Soaking up the rays...

I have a confession.  Today, I indulged in sun worship.  And I liked it!

Oh.  My.  God.  Did I love it.  It felt like coming home.  It's probably not what you think, either.  At least not entirely.

It was one of those things that sort of happened on a whim.  I was enjoying a day off.  The kids were at school.  My house was blissfully peaceful and quiet.  I had a solid intention to organize today.  My to do list was lengthy and I was on quite a roll with the productivity.  That was exciting in and of itself!  It was about 11 am.  I thought about how much more I could accomplish in the 4 hours before my son came home from school. There was hope I'd make a significant dent in the to do list!

Then, I gazed out the window.  I noticed the crisp blue sky.  The vibrant green of the leaves in contrast.  I became aware of a gentle breeze and smiled at the soft song of the wind chime on the front porch.  I noted the temperature was 78 degrees.  I went back to my to do list.  The rustling of the leaves kept calling my attention back to the outdoors.  I kept gazing out the window.  Then, I started to think about the weather and priorities.

It's the first really summer like day we've had that I actually had an opportunity to enjoy.  I stopped mid-task.  I had an internal conversation with myself that went something like,

"You should go lie in the sun for a change.  You deserve some down time"

And then, the practical voice, "But I have so much to do and I'm on a roll.  I'll be on vacation soon, there will be plenty of opportunity to chill at the pool in the sun".  

The slacker voice countered, "Yes, but right now, it's just you.  Alone.  Blissfully alone....blissfully.  Alone...."

Dammit.  She was right!  And it was gorgeous outside.  I listened to my inner voice.  The one that wanted me to nurture me.  I changed into my bathing suit, donned sunscreen, sunglasses and a hat, grabbed some reading material and a big glass of water and settled myself on the deck.

Suddenly I was transported to a place of relaxation and peace.  I smiled without consciously being aware of why.  I read for about 5 minutes but couldn't focus.  I closed my eyes.  I listened.  I saw.  I felt.  I remembered.  I experienced sitting in stillness and absorbing the environment around me.  It's amazing what you notice when you are not trying to notice anything.

I heard the wind through the trees.  I heard the birds calling to each other.  Some I could identify by their song, others I could not.  I heard a dog bark.  A car drive by.  Someone next door sneezed.  A critter scurried under the deck.  I thought of how I'd not have been aware of those things in the house, preoccupied with 'work'.  How much we miss because we are preoccupied.

I felt the warm sun on my face and my skin.  I felt the breeze against my skin and blowing through my hair. I noticed the directional change.  I could tell when a cloud happened by and blocked the sun briefly.  I had instant memories of similar sunny days where I'd lay in the sun and relaxed.  Mostly in my youth.  At my parents pool, at the beach, in the yard.  I thought about how I spent many hours and may days of every week outdoors, in the sun. It's funny how the brain works, associating certain external conditions with memories and how instantly they can resurface without trying to remember them when those circumstances are recreated.

The memories of days like today are few and far between since becoming a grown-up, having a family and working full time.  That, in and of itself, was a message I needed to hear and be mindful of.  Must take time for me.  Must take time to play.  Must take time to appreciate the world around me.

I opened my eyes and saw a heart cloud.  Of course.  I smiled.  I said thank you. I noticed how pretty our yard is.  I watched the birds, bees and even a butterfly.  They seem so carefree.  I closed my eyes again.  I became even more mindful of the sensations and sounds.  I felt warm, connected, peaceful and yes, even relaxed!  It was a miracle!  I relaxed!  In the sun!  For almost 2 hours!  It was like a vacation!  I've always said I'm solar powered.  It's true!  It's really true!  The vitamin D boost was a bonus.

I became keenly aware of how small we, as people, are.  How vast and powerful nature is and the world around us.  Let alone the Universe!  How much information is there for us.  How much the sun, moon, earth and stars have to teach us.  If only we'd take the time to listen and appreciate their wisdom.  As if to punctuate my thoughts about the beauty and power of nature, the gorgeous sunny day soon gave forth to thunderstorms, gusty winds and torrential downpours, that brought their own beauty, sights and sounds.  Ah, Mother Nature, she's a fickle one...Oh, hey, we have something in common, then!  ;-)

After a while of worshiping the sun and soaking up her glorious warmth and energy, I suddenly felt compelled to write the flood of thoughts and ideas that had burst forth from my sun worshiping.  I was a bit taken by surprise.  My intent in going out to lay in the sun was so I didn't have to do anything.  I wanted to be.  To relax.  My soul had other ideas.  The writer's block I've been struggling with was suddenly lifted.  I grabbed a notepad and a pen and tried to write my thoughts and ideas as fast as they were coming.  I'd no sooner put it down and rest my head and close my eyes when I'd feel driven to pick it up again and write more.  This went on for quite some time.  I've got several pages of messy scrawled words and phrases that I do believe is the birth of a book or two.  Raw.  Automatic.  Literally out of brain and on to paper.  I don't even remember most of what I thought of or wrote!

As the time for my son to return from school neared and the storm clouds rolled in, I thanked all the nature around me for the gift of today.  I pondered with gratitude that I was able to have this experience on so many levels.

The piles on my desk are still there.  My to do list still begs for my attention.  The sun is once again shining and dancing through the leaves on the trees.  It's so pretty.  So energizing.  The rain and wind brought cleansing to the air, the land and my soul.  I feel more grounded, centered and connected to earth and spirit.  My usual stress over what needs to be done is just not there, despite the fact it all still needs to be done.

Turns out I gave myself more than the gift of a little old fashioned 'sun worship' today.  I re-discovered the importance of self-nurturing.  Of truly relaxing and unplugging, even if just for a short time. Of the healing power of nature.  I truly soaked up the rays of love and light.  Of spirit.  You just never know what gifts await, if you take the time to follow that inner wise girl.

What did she tell you to do today?

Running away

Something very bizarre has happened.  I fear I might be ill.  Or crazy.  Or both!  I'm almost afraid to say it out loud, so I'll whisper.

I like running!

Now, you may not think that's a sign of illness or insanity, unless you know me.  I've always enjoyed some form of exercise.  The one thing I've always hated was running.  It was boring.  It felt bad from a cardiovascular standpoint.  It sucked.  I just didn't see the point.  Treadmill or outside.  B-O-R-I-N-G.

When I was young I was a gymnast, until I dislocated my elbow in 5th grade.  Then I took up roller skating and even competed a bit in roller dance and enjoyed being an assistant teacher in exchange for lessons and free skating.  I went through an aerobics phase and was addicted to step and hip-hop aerobics for a while.  I've always loved to social dance and did the club thing for a while. In college I tried crew, which I enjoyed, but didn't keep up with because it almost killed me.  Now, I love ballroom dancing with the love of my life.  We just entered our first competition, which is another form of crazy and another discussion for another time...

About 3 years ago I decided since my life was too hectic and crazy busy with work and kids to allow for going to the gym, and working out at home just wasn't working, that I'd try running.  It was logistically the only form of exercise that I could do at 0'dark thirty in the morning or anywhere, anytime.  It was cheap and portable.  All I needed was proper attire.  I also needed the exercise as much from a physical health standpoint as I did for my emotional well-being.  So I decided my goal would be a 5K before I was 40.  I started the Couch to 5K program in May of that year and ran my first 5K about a month after I turned 40 (October).  It was not easy to train. I did not enjoy it.  I forced myself out the door every single time. I did not run anywhere near fast.  I did not run the entire race.  But I did it.  I finished alive.  I still didn't like running, but I knew that if I didn't register for another 5K, I would not stay motivated.

I found if I ran the 'fun' races, I enjoyed it more.  So I choose races for charity or those that I can run in costume, because hell, I love to dress up and be silly!  Some of my favorites are the Gobble Wobble on Thanksgiving which is in the town I grew up in, and the Jingle Bell Run, in which nearly every person runs in a holiday themed costume and being that it's in Somerville, MA, the finisher medal is a bottle opener!  I also captain Sammy's Super Stars for the NECC 5K for autism every spring in honor of my nephew.  My  husband and my boys often run with me.  My next race is the Diva Dash - an obstacle 5K for women!  It's in September.

Then, this January, I lost my mind.  I decided I wanted to run the Disney Half-Marathon!  Before I was 45.  Maybe it was too much egg nog or the cold weather did something to my brain.  I don't know what the hell happened to me!  The only thing that would motivate me to run 13.2 miles is Disney.  The memories of my childhood (and adulthood) of Disney trips, the excitement, the magic, the characters and entertainment on the course, cast members cheering you on all along the route, running down main street and through the castle, street lined with cheering spectators, including my parents as ChEAR squad members (they are Disney crazy, too), running through EPCOT to the finish with a gospel choir motivating you to the finish line?  Hello?!  Who wouldn't want to do that?!  So I convinced my sister and some friends to join me and WE REGISTERED!  Yes.  It's true.  I am running the 2014 Disney Half-marathon in January.  And yes, I'm out of my freaking mind!  For the record, I'll be 44.  :-)

Except that I'm really excited about it!  Not only is it going to be a fun girls getaway weekend, it's motivated me to ramp up my running.  I got back on track in April and ramped back up to 5K distance regularly.  I tried the 5K to 10K bridge program but it wasn't working for me.  My body just wasn't handling it well. I was feeling doubtful I would be able to do it at all.  Injury and passing out are not an option!  Running through summer is going to be hard, even if I run at sunrise, as my body does not deal well with heat and humidity and exercise.  Low blood pressure sucks in that way.

Then I discovered Galloway's run-walk-run program.  Lots of Run Disney runners use his method.  OMG, the difference is amazing!  I really enjoy running now.  I can run longer, for a greater distance and ultimately at a faster pace taking short, regular, walk breaks.  I feel fantastic!  The hills still suck, but I'm managing them much better with this method.  I purchased a GymBoss interval timer so I don't have to futz with trying to keep track on my own and I love that, too!  My goal is a 10 min/mile pace for the half.  I got a PR at my last 5K, shaving nearly 3 minutes off my previous time (I ran the 5K without stopping).  I'm presently running 5.5 miles.  I'm almost half way there!!!!

I just registered for the Tufts 10k for women in October.  It will be a good test of half the distance of the half  (does that make a whole?) and provide proof of time should I choose to use it for corral placement at the half, and assuming I run a decent race.  I actually expect to be running 10 miles by then, so it should be relatively easy.  The three of us running the half are also running the 10K together.  It should be fun!

As part of my motivation, I spent waaaaay too much time on Pinterest last night creating a vision board of my Run Disney adventure.  If you want to take a peek, you can find it here.  Part of my inspiration will be Meg.  She and I shared a love of all things Tinkerbell.  Since I do love to run in costume, and the spirit of Disney encourages such silliness, guess who I shall be.  Yep.  Tink!  I'm pulling together a Tinkerbell inspired running outfit.  I figure with the help of my own personal angel and some pixie dust, I really can fly!

Periodically, I'll post about my preparation and eventually, about the experience itself!  As the training T-shirt that I want to get says,  

"This race is my ball, my running shoes are my glass slippers, the finish line is my prince charming and the accomplishment is my happily ever after."

In the meantime, gotta run!  ;-)

Ask. Believe. Receive.

Are you familiar with the law of attraction?  How about letting go and letting love?  Trusting the Universe to provide exactly what you need and when, which may not be how or when you want it to be. Do you have faith?  Trust?  Pixie dust?

Most students of spirit are called to their path by a life crisis.  Somehow, they end up at a crossroad with a decision to be made.  How do I proceed?  Is now the right time?  How do I know?  What if I’m wrong?  What if I’m right?! How will I do it?  What if I fail?  What if I succeed?  

So many unknowns.  So many possibilities.  Sometimes a myriad of choices.  Sometimes, only one choice.  If I've learned anything, it’s that when faced with a crisis, the only way out, is through.  

Choosing to go through the pain, to delve deep and allow yourself to sit fully with it, feel it, truly experience it and learn the lessons it has for you is no easy feat.  The logical part of our human brain wants to avoid pain and absolve ourselves of responsibility.  It’s quick to seek platitudes and a quick fix.  When we do that, we can function, but sometimes we miss the gifts.  The opportunities for growth, change and the greater good.  

I've had my share of life crisis.  Postpartum depression.  Miscarriage.  Twins (a good crisis!). The death of a child.  A contentious divorce.  The collateral losses of friends as a result of those two life changing events.  A crisis of faith. A spiritual awakening (good!). I have damn good reasons to be bitter, depressed and to cry victim.  I could easily blame any number of people and circumstances for my lot in life, but I don’t.

Because it’s not about them.  It’s about me.  The only person I can control is me. Only I can decide how I will feel, what I will do, say, believe, or own. Nothing happens in isolation.  Everything happens for a reason.  We have free will.  Choices.  Karma may be a bitch, but she's all ours.

I have a calling.  Well, a few of them.  I know without a doubt what they are.  The problem has always been, how to make it a reality when the practicalities of life factor in. The bills must be paid.  Life needs to be lived.  I do not exist in isolation.  The unexpected happens, often at the most seemingly inconvenient of times.

  

Here’s what I know.  I want to spend more time with my family. I need to spend more time with my family and they with me.   I promised myself after Meghan died, life is too short.  My kids would come first.  Our lives have gotten so busy we rarely eat together, we don’t do family game night anymore, we are constantly running from one thing to the next.  I've had to rely on others to get MY kids to THEIR events.  That kills me.  It’s difficult to nurture relationships, let alone have me time or couple time with my husband between work and kid responsibilities.  Something’s gotta give, and it ain't gonna be my family.

I love to teach.  About childbirth, safety, Reiki, energetic anatomy and other spiritual pursuits. I have much to offer other bereaved parents.  It’s not work to me.  It’s about helping others be better prepared, safer and connected to themselves and a higher vibration.  It’s about healing hearts and connecting the dots.  I want to do more of it.  I've always said if only I could pay my bills with my teaching and speaking pursuits, I’d do it all day, every day, in a heartbeat.

For a long time I've wanted to write.  I’m not an English major.  My grammar is not perfect.  I will need to make friends with an editor or three.  Yet I know in my heart I not only want to write, I have to write.  There is a higher purpose to it.  What do I have to write?  Meghan’s story.  My story of loss, love, hope and spiritual growth.  I have to write about safety.  I have information that can help others in similar situations.  I have knowledge that can save lives and a compelling way of presenting it.  What I have not had is the time to truly realize the dream.

Until now.

Last December, I decided to focus more on my life’s purpose.  My calling.  I started blogging more.  About 6 months ago I made a vision board.  For the first time, I put it out there to the Universe.  Not what I wanted to do, what I would do this year.  I started to focus my energy and intention on the things I wanted as if they had already happened.  I fully believed that they would happen.  It was time to live the dream.  I asked the Universe, God, the angels to guide me and help me truly listen and hear the guidance.  

I put my heart out there and wrote about the day Meghan died and my ritual every year on her angel day.  It was really meant to be for me and for those who know me to get a glimpse into what it’s like to be me.  My blog post went viral.  I was blown away.  Suddenly, I had offers to guest blog, write freelance pieces on safety and even an unsolicited call from an acquisitions editor for a book offer!  I had offers to do radio interviews, cable TV show interviews and to speak on Meghan’s Hope and safety at moms groups and other local venues.  Opportunities to teach CPR and safety related classes presented themselves again and the classes filled!  With waiting lists!  

I was filled with gratitude.  Finally, someone was listening to Meggie!  The problem was I still had a more than full time job and two needy and active boys.  I couldn't keep up.  The thing I wanted to do the most (and there was finally interest in) was the thing that I had the least time for and yet the strongest passion and calling to do.  I began to focus on manifesting the means by which I could follow my heart and make it happen.

Guidance called me to train to be an angel card reader.  Literally, one day, I woke up, knew I had to do it and so I did.  Loved it.  Reiki called me back.  I need to practice.  I need to give.  Clients started messaging me out of the blue, asking if I was practicing!  

The hardest part of it all was knowing I needed to quit my full time job to realize the dream.  To manifest what the Universe was throwing at me.  The signs were clear.  It was time.  Do it, woman!  The logical, human side of me was of course concerned from a financial standpoint.  I meditated on it.  I came upon guidance on manifesting abundance.  I happened upon a large green aventurine that I swear screamed my name.  I purchased it.  Cleansed and programmed it for abundance and right timing. I massaged it every day.  I see it every day.  I affirm the Universe will provide everything I need...

No sooner did I have it on my desk, did clarity of purpose and job opportunities appear.  After halfheartedly searching for the ‘perfect solution’ for months, I asked the Universe to lead me to the perfect part-time job.  It did.  Like the very next day.  I interviewed at two places, but knew which one was right from the beginning.  Before I even interviewed at the job I wanted, I went about my life as if it was as done deal.  I imagined the conversation I would eventually have to have with my boss, complete with this company’s name in the narrative.  I wrote when my last day of work at my current job would be and when I would start at the new job, by name, in my calendar!  Cocky?  No.  Positive intention and energy and a dash of intuitive knowing?  Hell yes. Guess what.  It all verified!  :-)

More time with my kids!  Time to write that book!  More time to teach and speak! Time to manifest the dream!

Wait.  It gets better.  So I’ll be working part-time.  I still need to generate additional income, which I want to do through teaching and speaking engagements.  I kid you not, a week ago I received another unsolicited invitation to teach non-credit adult ed courses at a local community college on topics pertaining to safety and spiritual pursuits!  All I could do was smile, thank the Universe and marvel at the power of intention and faith.  It was on my list of things to pursue, yet they pursued me.  Thank you, angels.  

Then, I was walking into one of the hospitals I frequented for my now former job this week and ran into a colleague who runs in the childbirth world circles with me.  She was dumbfounded at the serendipity because she had *just* made the decision to give up a safety class she teaches there (using my original curriculum) and knew I was the one to take it over for her.  She told her supervisor to call me, which apparently she plans to do to offer me the position.  I’m waiting to connect with her, to discuss that and adding a CPR class to their curriculum for the community.  It’s a full circle thing for me, too, since when I was training to be a childbirth educator, it was that hospital I taught for.  I’d been trying to figure out how to offer those classes to this particular community and there it was.  She was on my list of people to call.  We marveled together at the way the Universe and God work when you let go of the control and simply trust when the time is right, it will happen.  

Along the way, amazing webinars started coming my way on writing and speaking.  I listened to them.  Oh.  My.  God.  I feel like a kid at Christmas!  The gifts are amazing!  

This morning I sit here with my heart filled with joy and gratitude.  I feel so blessed to have the opportunity I now have to fulfill my soul purpose.  I have the time and the apparent support of the Universe to follow my heart and write, teach, speak and serve others.  I am grateful for the support of my family, friends and colleagues as well as the many people ‘behind the scenes’ that have touched me, guided me and led me to this day and into the future.  

If you ask for what you want, specifically.  If you believe with every ounce of your being it will happen when the time is right.  You will receive.  As Peter Pan and the beloved Tinker Bell is famous for saying, all you need is faith, trust and a little bit of pixie dust.  

Guess what.  I have all three!  

I am grateful.  I am blessed.  I am filled with love and light.  I want to share it.  I will.  

When one door closes...

Today marks a transition.  It was my last day of work at my current job.  How I arrived at the decision to leave this job is the subject matter of another post.  Suffice it to say, signs were abundant that it was time.  Eventually, I listened.  I resigned.  Today, it's an ending.

I did not leave with any bad blood. Sure, it wasn't a perfect job.  Is there one?  There are always things that are frustrating in any job.  Hell, in life!  I very much enjoyed the two years I spent in this role and loved my colleagues.  We were a fantastic team.  I am so grateful we had the opportunity to work together, learn from each other and support each other.  It's always difficult to leave when you really like the people you work with.  I've been fortunate to have always really enjoyed the people I've worked with at all of my jobs!  My boss said it best when she said, "...this is not goodbye, it's good luck."

Today, I am filled with gratitude for the blessings this job and the experience afforded me. I've learned and grown personally and professionally.  I was able to financially accomplish things I might otherwise not have been able to.  I made new friends.  Everyone was understanding of my reasons for choosing to leave this role and tremendously supportive of my future endeavors.  I am blessed.

The adage goes, everything happens for a reason.  I know without a doubt, certain people I encountered in the past two years were also there to cross paths with me.  We had information for each other.  It was the right place and the right time for unknown reasons.  Until it was obvious.  Little gifts that we gave each other, that were in fact tremendous.  Whether we realized it at the time or not.  Our purpose served.  Our journey continued and out paths once again diverged.  Ah, but we shall never forget the lessons and gifts we received.  Gratitude abounds.

It was also nice to hear such kind words this week from those I interacted with on a regular basis but did not work for or directly with.  My job had me in and out of several hospitals and doctor's offices every day, clinically screening patients or marketing.  I had professional relationships with people I saw regularly.  To get an unexpected hug, kind words of praise and thanks, a humorous ribbing or sincere well wishes touched me.  It's nice to be appreciated and to be told such!  I will miss many of them.

Today is also a beginning.  For when one door closes, another opens.  I have a new and somewhat different job lined up and I'm excited about it.  It's going to be a good fit for me and for them.  I have plans go follow my heart and live my dream.  The time is right, that is clear.  I'm grateful for the opportunity and the support of those around me and all the forces conspiring to make it so.  My heart is happy.

In as much as I struggled to make the decision, once I did, I felt a weight was lifted.  I knew it was the right decision.  For me.  I know change is not always easy, but it is always good.

I look forward to fondly closing this door and lovingly opening the next one.  Open heart.  Open mind.  Open to the experience and the path I'm meant to walk.

Stay tuned, you can walk with me.  If you choose to.

Namaste.

Am I an ass or are you?

Ever hear the expression, 'Never assume, it makes an ass out of you (u) and me'?

Ever wonder why each person ends up an ass?

The obvious answer is because one person assumes.  Let me say that again.  ONE person makes an assumption.

It seems it's a no-win situation.  If we both end up looking like an ass, why do we make assumptions?  Who wants to look like an ass?  Apparently lots of people, given how quick people are to share their opinions in the context of what is wrong with someone else's!

Few of us ever stop to think about the roots and repercussions of our assumptions.  Some of us are so quick to blurt out exactly why the other person's point of view is wrong or what we don't like about it, we forget to check our ego at the door and pay attention to the other person's intent and perspective.  Often it means we miss the opportunity presented to us to see things in a different light, to learn and to grow.  There are always two sides to every story.  It doesn't mean we have to agree with them.  It just means we need to respect what they are trying to convey, do or say.

In so many aspects of my life, choice is paramount to the outcome you experience.  Life is full of choices.  Hundreds of them every day.  Do I wear the blue shirt or the red one?  Do I have cereal or toast?  Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?  Perhaps it's deeper than that.  Do I tell that person they hurt me with their words?  Do I confront someone who is being deceitful?  Do I submit a knee-jerk response to a statement or action because it touched a nerve in me, or do I take some time to be with that reaction myself.  To examine it.  To determine why I had the reaction I did.  To think about my reaction and my response before sharing it.  Was it about them or was it about me?  Chances are high it was really about me.  They were just speaking what they believed to be right and true. Their intent was not to anger me or upset me, and even if it was, why?  Whose issue is it?  Really.  My reaction is about me and the fact I don't agree.  Theirs is about them and their beliefs.  Both of us could be genuine and stand proud in our conviction.  We could both be right, because all that matters is what's right to us.  There is something to be said for counting to 10 before reacting, though.  Interesting, isn't it?

It's really difficult to make a good and truly informed choice if we do not know all the options, benefits, risks and alternatives.  This is true of anything, anywhere.  Every action has a consequence, be it good, bad, or indifferent.

As an example, I write and teach a lot about topics pertaining to safety.  I get many comments and expressions of gratitude for educating people about potential risks and dangers so they can make the choice to protect their children and families.  I give them information they previously did not have.  Is that true of everyone?  No, of course not.  Some people did already know some or even all of that information.  I'm thrilled when that's the case!  My target audience is the people who don't know.  I know I can't control what people think and do.  All I can do is provide information and perspective.

There are always a few people who accuse me of fear mongering.  Of being over the top.  Who take things out of context.  Who accuse me of being paranoid or worse.  They prefer to think they already know everything there is to know (maybe they do) or 'it' won't happen to them.  I used to get really upset by those things, because my intent is pure and truly about saving lives.  I lost a child to something that could have been prevented.  If I had known of the dangers, I would have taken action to prevent the accident that killed her.  I assume others would want the same.  I'm an ass, because not everyone does.

You know what?  I'm OK with that.  Why?  Because I know what my purpose and mission in this lifetime is and part of it involves teaching people how to keep their kids safe.  If I push your or their buttons, good!  They are your buttons, not mine!  If they need to turn it back around to be about me, so be it.  I don't wish them ill will.  I feel sad and sorry that they missed the point, but I know it's out of my control.  It doesn't change what I think, say, write or do.  It doesn't change who I am and why I am who I am.  It doesn't deter me from my mission.  Am I mindful that some people may react negatively to something meant to be full of love and goodness?  Sure.  We are all entitled to our feelings, actions and choices.  Owning them, that's the challenge sometimes.

I think perhaps the lesson here is that nothing happens in isolation.  Every choice impacts someone else, somewhere, in some way.  If we are more cognizant of our choices and think before we speak and act, perhaps we'd all be wiser for it.

Memorial Day - Is one death more important than another?

What does Memorial Day mean to you?

Traditionally, it is a day to honor those who have lost their lives in service to our country.  There are events held locally and nationally to honor the dead.  Their cemetery spots are decorated with flags and markers noting the branch of the service in which they served.  Families tidy up their resting place.  Ceremonies are held.  Parades go through the streets and citizens wave flags.  Children have the opportunity to learn about our country, our freedom, and the path some brave men and women choose to defend our freedom.  They have an opportunity to learn about war and peace and death and heroes.

I am grateful, as I am sure all of you are, for all those who serve and have served our country.  It takes a very special person to do so, and I pause today, like many, to honor, remember and thank them.  If you are a veteran or an active service member, I thank you.

I also think this is a day where we should be asking ourselves where our priorities are as a country.  Particularly in how we treat and care for the members of our military and their families.  Why is it professional sports players and CEO's make waaaaay more money?  Why is it we can't seem to provide the financial, medical and mental health assistance these veterans and their families need when they are in or return from active duty in a violent region of the world?   What a great day to start and be persistent on fixing what is wrong with the system so we can better care for and truly honor our veterans by treating them with the respect and care they deserve while alive, not just when they are gone.  That is far more valuable than one day of parades and ceremonies.

Every year I ponder, why just one day?  While I understand the concept of special days to honor people and things, why are we not celebrating the lives of ALL those who have died, regardless of how, on this day and every day?  Why don't we have a day dedicated to celebrating our loved ones who have died, period?  As a community, not just as a family. What makes the lives of those who serve in the military any more valuable than someone who works at the local market?  Everyone serves someone else in some capacity. Everyone has a family.  Everyone loves someone else.  Every loss is painful, deep and profound to someone, somewhere.

Mexico has the day of the dead on November 1st.  It's a National holiday.  It also coincides with All Souls Day.  They *get* how important it is to celebrate everyone who has died.  As a country and as a collective community, they share a common bond.  Everyone knows someone who has died.  Every life deserves to be honored.  Every death deserves to be honored and that person remembered.  Every.  Single.  Day.

Some people get upset when others use Memorial Day as their personal day of the dead.  When they focus as much, or perhaps more, on their loved ones who have passed than the veterans who have.  I know today is one of my Meggie days.  Her special place is prettied up with flowers and decorations.  I will visit it.  She will be on my mind, as she is every day, but a bit more so today.  It brings me solace to know she lies between two veterans.  I know they protect her, even though she never met them.  I will pause at their special places today and say a silent prayer for their families.

I will never forget one Memorial Day a few years ago.  My oldest son was marching in the parade with the cub scouts.  My youngest was still very young.  It was probably two years after Meg died.  They start the parade at the cemetery where Meggie now 'resides'.  One of my youngest pre-school friends was there.  He took her to Meggie's place and 'introduced' her.  They walked around together.  He told her about Meggie.  They played with her trinkets.  Many of the other children were running around the cemetery and periodically pausing to look at the stones and the flags.  Parents freaked out.  Telling them to stop.  Why?  I don't think it's disrespectful at all.  They are children.  They are exploring.  Reading the head stones.  Asking questions.  Learning about how we honor our dead.  I've said a gazillion times before, we are horrible in our society about dealing with death.  Kids can teach us a lot.  Let them lead us.

I sure as hell hope when I'm long gone, someone stops by my stone someday, years later, who never knew me, and can tell by the words and the decor who I was and why I was important to somebody.  That's what Memorial Day is really about.  Remembering.  Honoring lives.  Honoring love.

May the love of those you have lost surround you today and always.  Take a moment to remember them.  Close your eyes.  See their face.  Hear their voice.  Feel their embrace.  Feel the love.  Give it back to them.  Tell them you miss them, remember them and love them.  Know they feel the same for you.

Never forget.

Metaphysical A to Z: Z is for Zodiac

Is there any other "Z" word more all encompassing?

The Zodiac is a celestial coordinate system that is quite complex, at least to me. I do not profess to know a lot about it or to understand it, for it takes quite a bit of study to comprehend.  Astrology is a huge branch of metaphysical science and one that is too vast and too broad to cover here.  I am intrigued by the Zodiac and the symbolism and meanings associated with it.

As someone intrigued with the vastness of our universe and who enjoys stargazing, the constellations of the zodiac were my indoctrination to the topic.  Each of the signs has many symbols associated with it as well as an elemental association.  There are certain qualities of personality also associated with the different signs of the zodiac that I find fascinating and often ring true!  Those horoscopes based on your astrological sign are always amusing and food for thought!

To me, the signs of the Zodiac, like so many things in our universe, speak to the commonalities we all share.  There is a constant yet there is also constant change.  The astrological calendar is cyclical, just like life.  It is representative of the whole being greater than the sum of it's parts.  We all fall under certain signs, yet it takes all the signs to make us one, and then it repeats.  There are no limits to our energy or the time:space continuum.

That old pick up line of "What's your sign, baby?" carries a significant amount of information!  Perhaps that really should be a valid point of discussion when engaging in new relationships.  There is much to be learned about ourselves, others and the Universe at large.

In case you were wondering, I'm a Virgo.  Surprised?  :-)

What's your sign?