Hi. My name is Kim. I am a bit of a control freak.
*phew* I admitted it. I already feel better.
My entire life I have been a type-A multi-tasker who likes a plan. I like to *know* what is going to happen and when. I don't like uncertainty. I don't like flying by the seat of my pants. I can't stand indecision. I'm a rule follower. I have a strong sense of right and wrong and of justice. I want to be master of my own destiny. I need structure, consistency and organization. Of course if you saw my desk right now, you'd question that statement.
Over the past several years, I've mellowed a bit. I still like a plan and I am still more type-A than not. Something about being a parent, especially a parent of twins, teaches you to let go a little. Having three children under 3 will also help you prioritize what's truly necessary and important in life.
When you face a crisis, or several, you are presented with choices. Losing a child gives you tremendous perspective. Divorce and the loss of prior friendships or changes in the dynamics of relationships because of those losses presents the opportunity to learn important life lessons.
What it has amounted to, in a nutshell, is that I've learned I can't control everything. In fact, I am generally much happier when I just let each hour, day, week and in fact my entire life simply happen. I've learned to go with the flow, if you will. Sure, I still have relapses. Especially when over-scheduled or when unexpected things happen.
Which brings me to today. We live in New England. It's early March. It's snowing. Again. It happens. Every winter. It's happened a lot this year. That's what we signed up for by living here. By the comments on my Facebook feed, you'd think it was unheard of. The negativity of the comments is actually palpable.
Because of the snow, school was cancelled. Again. My plan for the day has had to change. Again. I still need to work. I have no child care. I can't leave my boys together at home alone. Stressed? Surprisingly not.
I cannot control the weather. I can control how I react to it. I can change how I choose to look at it and how I let it impact my mood.
So I choose to be grateful for the snow. It is water and it is needed for spring to come and flourish. No drought here this spring! Snow is white, peaceful and purifying. Remember, kisses from Heaven! The wind moves the stagnant air, it brings change. Positive change. It literally blows away the old and brings in the new. It's a sign of the changing seasons and how lucky are we to have that? It's a reminder that we are not in control of Mother Earth or maybe, our choices have angered and changed her. Think about that.
We can be further grateful for those who keep our roads safe, who plow the driveway and who alert us to what to expect so we can prepare. They take their jobs seriously. They may not be perfect or 100% accurate, but unless you can truly do a better job, think before you speak.
I choose to be grateful for the roof over our heads, the heat in our home, that my children are safe and warm and that instead of having to take an unexpected day off from work (which I'd love but can't in good consciousness take) I can juggle my schedule to make it work for all of us. It's not ideal, but it works. I could let it stress me out, I've chosen not to.
This is a huge transformation for me and has been literally my entire life in the making. How you choose to look at things makes all the difference in your experience of them. I'm all too aware how short life can be. I might as well enjoy the ride while I still can. People who are stressed and who wallow in negative energy live shorter lives and have more physical and emotional ailments. Why would you choose that?
So all you New England peeps complaining about the snow, lighten up! See the lessons in it. See the gifts. Embrace it or at least let go of the stress and negativity, you can't do anything about it anyway. Besides, it's good creative snow. Go find your inner child and make a snowman, snow fort, or a snow angel. Have a snowball fight with your kids or significant other. Be creative.
If you can't control a situation, you can let it stress you out while you run like a mouse in the wheel or you can let it go. Embrace it for what it is, make it work for you.
Spring is 2 weeks away :-)